A cancer diagnosis puts things into perspective. We are a mere blip on this earth. But we are everything to the people we share our time here with. Each moment is precious, but not to be taken too seriously. We are each snowflakes, but snowflakes quickly melt. After a diagnosis of breast cancer, I find myself thinking about all of the shit in this life that I simply don’t have time for, like
- Wishing that I could step back into my marriage and family again, the way that it was six years ago.
- Wishing I could undo the things that I did that led to my divorce.
- Shopping online for things that I can’t afford.
- Shopping online for things that I can afford, and then not buying them.
- Getting mad in traffic.
- Not going paddleboarding every chance I get.
- Not swimming every chance I get.
- Staying up too late doing nothing.
- Staying up late doomscrolling.
- Staying up late Googling whether I am going to survive my cancer.
- Eating sweets that have lots of sugar and just aren’t that good. (Though there is plenty of time for sweets that ARE good!)
- Trying not to cry when I really want to.
- Stressing out about writing texts and deleting them before sending them.
- Being alone at home without lighting a candle.
- Talking myself out of ordering takeout.
- Worrying about whether my kids will have enough money after I’m gone.
- Thinking about what anyone’s life will be like once I’m gone.
- Researching vacations for me and the kids that we don’t take.
- Going to significant doctor’s appointments without a friend.
- Going to the grocery store instead of doing curbside pickup or delivery.
- Listening to podcasts that repeat what previous podcasts already said, unless I need to get the message again.
- Keeping clothes that I don’t like in the closet just because someone I love gave them to me. (Unless it was my kids).
- Not using my cancer card when I really want to.
- Reading books that don’t interest me.
- Watching more than one episode of a show that bores me.
- Thinking about someone whose attitude bothers me, even when they’re not around.
- Comparing my pain to others’ pain in the hopes that mine will “win” for the worst pain.
- Picking up after the kids.
- Walking the dog without taking at least one deep breath.
What are yours? What are the things that you just don’t have time for, whether you’ve been diagnosed with breast cancer or not? As part of the Fierce Tit life, it’s important to say no to what we don’t love so that life can become one big YES to what we do love.