This blog post is not meant to provide medical advice. Please consult your doctor before making decisions about your medical care.
Second opinions are a pain, but the pain of not getting one could be worse.
Here’s something that’s not talked about enough generally in the world of medicine and in particular in the world of breast cancer: second opinions. The words, “You have cancer,” can be so shocking, so definite, and so final that a second opinion seems unnecessary. Plus, a diagnosis often puts you on a fast track to a treatment plan that can begin as soon as the same week as the diagnosis or in as long as a month or two months’ time. Adding a second opinion to your treatment timetable can feel utterly impossible, especially as you are trying to manage the magnitude of the first opinion.
But, ladies, they are called opinions for a reason. And we often forget this when we are surrounded by deconditioned doctors who deliver a diagnosis as unceremoniously as a Doordash driver delivers Chick-fil-A. (Or, come to think of it, the Doordash driver is probably more courteous. After all, their kindness gets them a tip. A physician’s bedside manner doesn’t get them any additional dollars from your insurance company). They drop the diagnosis like it’s hot, outline a treatment plan that might cost more than your home (but without the actual numbers, of course) alongside a plan that will remake your body in ways you cannot even imagine, and move on to the next patient.
But if I’ve learned anything from seeing countless doctors over the course of my treatment, it’s that second opinions are not hard to get, they make me feel valued, and they always bring peace of mind.
When a Second Opinion Made All the Difference
During my mastectomy surgery, my breast surgeon did a sentinel node biopsy and an axillary node biopsy. In other words, she cut out some of the lymph nodes in my right armpit to see if they had cancer in them. If they did, that could mean my breast cancer had traveled to other parts of my body. If they didn’t it was likely the cancer hadn’t traveled outside of my breasts.
In my particular case,
No cancer in the lymph nodes = might not need chemotherapy and radiation
Cancer in the lymph nodes = need for chemotherapy and radiation
I didn’t want chemo or radiation. The mastectomy didn’t bother me nearly as much as the thought of my veins being pumped full of drugs or my skin being burned beyond recognition. So the fact that my doctors were recommending both chemo and radiation hit me like a ton of bricks. I had a lot of reasons for wanting to avoid them, which I’ll write about in another post.
But the thing is, my doctors were honest, and they told me I was in the “gray area” for recommending radiation. It was primarily my age – 37 at the time – that caused them to recommend these treatments.
Their uncertainty was enough to give me pause. I am lucky enough to live in a city with multiple major medical centers that deal with cancer treatment. So I picked one of the others, found doctors I liked, and made “second opinion appointments.” (It’s actually an appointment type.) And one of these doctors told me the thing I needed to hear: “If you were my sister, I would recommend this treatment.”
That was all I needed to know. I would surrender my body to chemotherapy and radiation in order to have my best shot at ridding my body of any loose cancer cells that could be floating around. This meant multiple major sacrifices that I’ll write about another time. But thanks to a second opinion, I trusted that it was the right decision.
Reasons to Get a Second Opinion
- You’re Worth It.
You know how “self-care” has been the buzzword for the past few years? Well, getting a second opinion is the real self-care. It’s trusting your body to more than one person and prognosis. It means realizing that one of the most major decisions in your life, be it cancer diagnosis or other health issue, deserves input from more than one expert. Even if another physician gives you the same response, they may say it in a way that reaches you. I know it might mean asking someone to come with you to the appointment and wait half the afternoon. It might mean driving someplace far away or making extra phone calls. You’re worth it. You’re worth the trouble. This is your life we’re talking about here. I’ll say it one last time: you’re worth it.
- You Might Find a Better Doctor.
Maybe you like this new doctor better. Maybe they speak more softly, take more time with you, seem to care. Great! There’s nothing wrong with making your second opinion your new physician. Liking and trusting your doctor is important, for your own mental health and well-being.
- You Won’t Fall Victim to the Danger of a Single Story.
One of my favorite authors, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, has a fantastic Ted Talk called “The Danger of a Single Story.” If you haven’t watched it, it’s a must-see. In it she discusses the danger of believing in only one person’s perspective of the world. If you’re like me, you read at least three reviews before trying a new moisturizer, or pair of running shorts, or a new pasta sauce. Wouldn’t a second review of your most major health concern make sense?
- You’ll Feel Better.
Maybe the most important one: there’s such a relief that comes from having another professional confirm your prognosis. If you like to gather all of your research before making a decision, this is some of the best research you can do. And during a time when you might be the most scattered and scared of your entire life, another experienced voice can be very helpful. Also, you will be in a different headspace when you visit the second doctor. You’ll have had some time to process your diagnosis and your feelings. You’ll ask better questions. You’ll be in a position to better understand the nuance of your diagnosis and prognosis.
How to Get a Second Opinion
(You can also send this list to a friend who has volunteered to help you out but doesn’t know what to do. Ask them to do your research for you!)
- Tell your current doctor you will be getting a second opinion. (They shouldn’t be upset – It happens all the time!)
- Research local or national hospitals that specialize in your diagnosis. (You may be able to send your medical records to a hospital outside of your local area and have them reviewed without traveling there. This way, you get expert opinions without leaving home).
- Confirm your insurance company’s policy on second opinions.
- Call the new provider’s office and ask for a “second opinion” appointment.
- Call your original provider to make sure they send all necessary medical records to the second opinion provider. Do this early, as it can take some time.
- Go to your second opinion appointment, and record the meeting or take notes. Bring a friend so you can discuss what you heard with them afterward.
Have a story about a second opinion that you want to share in the comments? Please do! In another post, I’ll share about the second opinion I wish I had gotten sooner.