Fierce Tit Reveal: What happens next?

Happy Titty Tuesday Fierce Titties! I have a big reveal for you today. It’s something that I’ve been thinking about for quite some time, and today I’m going to update you on a big step forward in the process.

Many of you are single-boobed gals like me. And maybe, like me, you are also struggling to figure out “What’s next?” I have often wondered if I would be content remaining single-breasted for the rest of my life:

• Would I love the boob job on my left breast, my “one beautiful breast” according to the plastic surgeon who created it, so much that I would remain a uniboober?

• Would I enjoy the challenge of dressing in complimentary asymmetrical styles – one shoulder tops, wrap dresses, textured sweaters – that don’t hide my unbalanced bosom so much as they enhance it with their complimentary beauty?

Would I enjoy the flexibility of choosing when to wear a prosthesis and when to go without?

In short, would I embrace the idea of having one fierce tit, without the need for further reconstruction or surgery?

At this point in my journey, the answer is yes, and no.

I’ve been a uniboober for five years now. I spent the first year healing, getting fitted for a breast prosthesis, trying to figure out when to wear the prosthesis and when not to, and coming to terms with my asymmetrical chest.

I was pretty sure that I did not want more reconstruction. My heart could only take one failure. Then, an interesting thing happened. When I looked at my naked chest in the mirror, I stopped seeing my right side as the side with something missing. Instead, I started to dislike my breast on the left. It was so big! (A small C cup). It got in the way. It was the reason I still need bras. It no longer really looks like me, because it now has an implant and looks falsely inflated, which is never how my breasts looked.

What if, I wondered, I had my left breast removed?

There’s actually a name for this: a contralateral mastectomy for symmetry. This is when a breast that does not have cancer is removed so that a woman’s chest will be balanced. I did not know this was an option before, because no one gave me this option. Once I learned about it, I couldn’t get it out of my head.

Here are all of the things I wouldn’t need anymore if I had my left breast removed:

• Bras

• Annual mammograms

• Annual MRIs

• Future surgeries to replace implants

• The worry about my breast cancer returning and having to go through treatment again

In short, what would I get back? Time, money, and mental health.

A few months ago, I met with my breast surgeon and asked her if she would remove my left breast. She said, “I’m not encouraging it. But I’ll do it.” She did encourage me to meet with a new plastic surgeon at the hospital. (You might remember reading that I was not too fond of my last one). She said this particular plastic surgeon might have more options for me.

So this week, that’s just what I did. I met with a new plastic surgeon. I told her that I was interested in a contralateral mastectomy for symmetry.

I also told the doctor that I was interested in other options she might have.

Her response: “What size do you want to be?”

The question made me pause. I mean, I’d just told her that I wanted to be flat. So I said an A or small B cup. Truly, big breasts are no longer of any interest to me.

She instantly went into an explanation of how she could rebuild a breast on my right side using excess fat from my stomach. A couple of things that she said that caught my attention:

• Recovery from the surgery (a diep flap reconstruction) would take 4-6 weeks.

• Because a new blood supply would need to be forged to the new breast tissue (formerly belly fat) I would need to spend the first night post-surgery in the ICU. And 1 in 10 women have to go back into the operating room from the ICU because there is an issue with the blood supply!

• An implant would be inserted immediately into the flap, meaning this could be a one-time surgery.

• She could hide the scars so that they wouldn’t be seen in a low-cut shirt.

• Harvesting the tissue from my abdomen would not result in any long-term issues with exercise, weightlifting, or any other physical activity.

• Implants require further surgery about every 10 years. So any decision to have an implant is a decision to have more surgery down the line. This means that the implant I already have in my left breast will require some kind of operation in 3 or so years. One way or another, I’m going to have to have at least one more procedure done to my breasts.

As she spoke, I found it hard to conceal my gut reaction. All of this felt repulsive to me. A 1 in 10 chance that they are not able to establish a healthy blood supply to the new tissue? New scarring and healing in both my abdomen and on my chest wall? And why did she go on for ten minutes about building me boobs when I had come in to tell her I wanted another mastectomy?

Although the idea of two breasts was appealing to me in the moment, I had to remind myself that a reconstructed breast does not in fact look or feel like a breast. It does not feel like anything – there is no sensation and no nipple unless you have one created or tattooed on. It is simply a mound of skin around a bag of silicone on the chest.

The more she talked about this option, the more I felt like Frankenstein. Pieces of my body moved from one hemisphere to another? More foreign objects inserted beneath my skin? The guarantee of future surgeries to keep me in a double-breasted body?

No thank you.

I went on to ask her if she could simply remove the implant from my left breast. She said this was certainly possible. It would leave me with a small breast on the left, and she could match this one with a surgery on the right side if I wanted two small breasts.

This idea is not unappealing to me. It would leave me with a slightly convex chest and preserve my existing breast and nipple. More investigation is needed into this option. The issues?

I’m pretty sure that preserving the left breast in this way would still mean that I need annual mammograms and MRIs.

I might still need an implant on the right side, which means lifelong surgery to maintain the implant.

She also said she could take skin from my back to smooth out the right side of my chest. I would no longer be concave, but I wouldn’t have a breast mound. It’s a third option, but not a particularly appealing one. It comes with 10% loss of range of motion in my back, and still makes me feel Frankenstein-like.

Mind you, all of this conversation and these options were discussed before I even took off my papery hospital gown! She didn’t even know if I had enough belly fat to build a new breast until I went topless.

It turns out I do have enough belly fat to build me a new breast, but only one, or two small ones.

As we finished up the appointment, I pulled my papery blue gown back over my chest. “You can always make another decision later on.” The doctor assured me.

This is what I’ve learned about breasts: they are always opportunities for revision.

Based on what I learned, my options remain the same:

• Do I let her build me a new breast, and try reconstruction again?

• Do I have my left breast removed?

• Or do I stay the way I am, with one fierce tit?

Stay tuned…I look forward to sharing the verdict with you, and also discovering it for myself!